FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

 
How many swingers are there?
As swinging tends to be a surreptitious endeavor, no one really can be certain how many people are involved. Our best guess is very loose: 5 million to 10 million, worldwide. The statistic that counts is that there are more than you could hope to meet in several lifetimes, and the number grows daily.
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What sort of people are we likely to meet in swinging?
Just the type you are seeking (If you give it a fair chance). People from all walks of life and all different preferences are involved in the lifestyle.
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What is the best way to get started?
It may seem less intimidating to get started by correspondence, but, sooner or later, you'll have to face that first personal encounter anyway, so we recommend going directly to a gathering place. There will be less pressure, more options, and you won't waste an evening trying to shake someone who wrote you a bunch of fabrications. And, don't just go once; there will probably be different people in attendance at different times. If you can't find clubs nearby (or can't find compatible people at the clubs) or are simply looking for a new experience, by all means, try the Internet/magazine approach. See Club Lists.
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How should we choose a website for our personal ad?
It's easy enough to find sites that claim to be meeting places for swingers; too easy, in fact, for there are hundreds out there. Our best advice, since we certainly haven't tried them all, is to choose the one you are most comfortable with. You might not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you can get a pretty accurate feel of a site's services by the pictures and ads displayed. If you're looking for friends, a site full of porno probably isn't a good match. Likewise, avoid sites that aren't honest up front about their requirements and charges. Finally, we suggest that a site that keeps pestering the viewer with additional windows or that is difficult to exit is probably not going to prove as sincere as you might prefer. See Our Recommendations.
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Will I be expected to wear a condom?
Condom usage among swingers varies widely. At clubs that have a very open membership, where people often have sex with folks they've never met before, condoms are quite common. At the other extreme, at private parties where most everybody knows everybody, condoms are seldom employed. But, you just never can tell. So, even if you believe that latex barriers are the antithesis of intimacy, we advise packing your rubbers wherever you go.
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Are most swingers bisexual?
Depends on their gender. The breakdown for females seems to be about 20-40-20-20. That is, 20 percent of women prefer women to men; 40 percent really enjoy sex with women, but prefer men; 20 percent aren't really attracted to, but sometimes will play with, women; and 20 percent find the idea distasteful. Men are pretty much the other way around. You could swing for a long time and never run across a man who preferred sex with men over sex with women. Maybe five percent of men in swinging would admit (at least to themselves) that they are bisexual, and another 20 to 30 percent are bi-playful — but if you don't send the right signals, you might never discover that.
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I have a sensitive job, aren't I putting it at risk by swinging?
People have lost their jobs because their swinging life was discovered. Usually, however, they did something pretty dumb (like putting compromising pictures on the Web) that triggered the trouble. Also, police raids on clubs have happened, but almost never are the clientele given any trouble, just the operators. Swingers we have known include doctors, dentists, lawyers, teachers, media personalities, high-ranking military officers and intelligence personnel, and members of several local police departments. Some were more cautious than we, but they all managed to enjoy themselves. For those with especially sensitive jobs, we recommend sticking to private parties, or at least, avoiding clubs with unrestricted membership.
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What if I meet someone I know?
This question occurs to just about everyone who entertains ideas of swinging. The common answer is, “Anyone you meet is there too!” Of course, you’ve already thought of that. You worry, though, that others might not be as discreet as you or might not have as much to lose from public exposure. There are two reasons not to be overly concerned. First, people who are indiscreet typically have very short careers in swinging. They don’t get invited back to parties and are quickly barred from clubs. Second, if these people tend to talk too much, you probably would have heard them talking already. If you didn’t know that they were swingers, they aren’t likely to tell anyone that you are. If you meet someone you know at a club, they might claim that they are “just looking.” In which case, you can easily make the same claim. If the encounter occurs at a private party, our best advice is to have a good chuckle and enjoy each other.
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How can we be sure we’ll like swinging?
You can’t be sure that you will enjoy any particular swinging experience. But, so what? No doubt, you have been served terrible food at restaurants, been disappointed with a novel, suffered through an awful movie, and otherwise not always found life quite as satisfying as you wish. Such experiences did not prevent you from trying other eateries, reading other books, watching more films, etc. Right? So, if should have an unpleasant swinging experience (and you most likely will, sooner or later), that’s okay. Figure out what went wrong and try again. For most of us, the good times far outnumber the not-so-good.
 
 

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Revised: 01/05/13